March 16, 2008

Lunacy

Posted in Uncategorized at 7:16 pm by izzybelle

I feel so alone. There is such a limit on the people I hang out with, that if one person can’t then I have no other options. Like, when he’s hanging out with some of his man friends, I feel abandoned. Betrayed. Even though I know that I have no right to be. I shouldn’t feel that way because it’s lunatic. And acknowledging the complete fallacy of my logic only makes it all the worse. I shouldn’t have to depend on him to be my everything!

I get angry at him over things that I shouldn’t be angry about; luckily he doesn’t figure that out. It’s always small things, you see- like his word choice, or the fact that he cares more about his curfew than I do. I shouldn’t be angry at him about these things (and he’s never found out that I was at the time), and as soon as I realize I am, I immediately realize that I shouldn’t be. And then I just hate myself a little bit more.

I miss having numerous friends I could hang out with. So much.

It’s been over a year now, since I found out I was moving here. It doesn’t seem that long ago, does it? In some ways. In others, living in New Jersey felt like a lifetime ago.

I wonder if I’ve changed.

Permalink